Hi , my name is mei !

20 / female / straight / nov 18 2005

i created this website to further be able to put my life and thoughts out there because i believe im someone interesting that needs to be heard out. in contrast to the usual advice of remaining anonymous online, i will feel compelled to let you know the littlest details of my life and thoughts. i've made peace with one day me being kidnapped because of my oversharing tendencies.

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i'm a mentally unstable 20 year old otaku girl, a chronic masturbator that longs to become a proper lady. computer engineering student and junior full-stack programmer. i'm also a digital artist that gets her otaku spending money from commissions. im severely asocial and withdrawn from society, a girl that dreads human interaction and has hedonistic tendencies.

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i've been depressed for as long as i can remember. the most important years of my development were filled with terrible experiences, and because of that, i feel as though my entire existence has been predisposed to an eternal state of mental burden and exhaustion.

i do not blame myself for my upbringing, but i seemingly cannot get myself to seek out help, i never feel willing to do the tasks my psychologists give me. they are telling me things i already know, suggesting methods i already understand, yet i am incredibly stubborn by default. i often dissociate during sessions, because i feel like i am gaining nothing, once again.

i am painfully self aware, but it seems like i just enjoy sinking deeper into my own misery and isolation. i cannot adequately explain how difficult it is to get help when you are this self aware, every conversation feels repetitive, every piece of advice feels predictable. despite understanding exactly what is wrong and what i am supposed to do, i remain completely unwilling to do it.

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the things i enjoy... you will be able to see them throughout the website in more detail but i am basically a big otaku and gamer. i love reading manga over watching anime and i am fond of slice of life the most. my favorite anime is genshiken. i love anime that i can relate to. my favorite game to play is valorant. i like fps games, i love guns and shooting in game. i also play overwatch. i think i have a preference for hero shooters. i'm currently enjoying the resident evil games and want to get into more games like that. i am also interested in silent hill for the future. i like fighting games although im not good at them. i enjoy guilty gear and tekken.

i like to read books and look at photobooks as well. i think the thing i love most in the world is the aesthethically pleasing appearance of young men. and young men specifically. in the short timeframe where they still look androgynous enough to pass as women. i also really love femenine men and crossdresing men. im not ashamed of my fetishes and preferences. life is far too short to care about second opinions.